UGHHH! Got suspended from Twitter! TWITTER JAIL!

i was nervous to get my gofundme account rolling and so I was "spamming" it every time a celeb would tweet. I was just trying to get noticed. They are famous! they got money! share the wealth! UGH! :( so now i am in twitter jail until i can get them to unsuspend me.  UGH

Sick and disgusted!!! >:(

Got into an argument on facebook already this morning.

How can someone look at an Ultrasound of a developing child inside of them and think "it's not really a child, it's a parasite, a nuisance, a mistake, a drain on the society, I'mm going to abort it? My life is more important than the child developing inside me? Why not put into adoption? Orphanages and adoption agencies are full enough already, I'm not going to add another drain on their system" HOW?! HOW?! HOW?! Can someone think like this?! Babies are so cute and adorable and add so much to our lives!!! This new law in NY, where you can abort them up to 9 months when they have heartbeats and developing fingers and toes and limbs?! I was 28 weeks when I was born! They would've aborted me! I am glad I was born to the parents I was! Even with my disabilities! I am still a human! I still have a purpose! This new law makes my head and brain hurt and the fact this person doesn't believe in an almighty creator hurts my heart even more. What could've possibly ever happened in her life to make her think like this? Sadly, so many people think like this now :( 

could my problems finally be solved???!

so update on my twisted medical life: I got into see Dr. Kelly at CAM in st Louis for a consult on my broken rod(s) . He trained under Dr. Lenke, so less chances of my back being screwed up. I have an appointment at CAM center at 8 a.m. on March 5, 2019. I will have to pay $150 deposit , and after they charge for xrays, that should make my balance the $200+ mark to get hardship assistance, since they don't take out of state medicaid. *Positive Vibes* 

latest update in the winding road that is my life....

 The latest update in the winding road that is my life.... I got a referral to LSU Medical in Shreveport and then also the former care coordinator for the orthopedic surgeon that did my surgery, is trying to get me into the guy that took my surgeon's position in St Louis, when my orthopedic surgeon moved his practice to NY. Due to neither NY or St Louis takes out of state Medicaid, or Medicaid at all, The only way I can see the Dr. That took my orthopedic's position in St Louis, is by applying for "hardship assistance." *Fingers crossed that works.

In other news, my fiance wants to move to St Louis, MO, because he thinks if I am on their Medicaid system, then the ST Louis hospital will have to accept it, plus he is under the impression I'll get better SSI check (newsflash Hun, the max is $771.00 which I currently already receive.)

I also realized it will be different this recovery time, due to my former physical therapist no longer practicing, I will have to do it through the hospital. UGH!

I also realized I will probably miss my Beignet more than I missed my Mya; If that's even possible. I love deeply and the thought of once again being away from my own bed, my own apartment, everything familiar and no Beignet to love and snuggle, hurts my heart. I also realized I won't be in the children's hospital wing this go-round, so the therapists will probably be tougher, and not as much fun recreational activities to keep my mind off the pain. Well, I guess this is my life punishing me for acting irresponsibly after my first time recovering after surgery. Karma sucks! LOL

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Finally got answers; bad news, its another pothole plot twist: Broken rods.

Due to my wound not closing up, we did x-rays and I sent them off to the surgeon who did my back surgery and he confirmed: broken rods and my kyphoscoliosis deformity was worsening. It would explain my increased pain each year, as well as why this wound isn't closing or cooperating correctly.
Downside? My surgeon can't accept Medicaid and it is the only insurance I have. To self-pay would range from 250,000 + dollars, not including transportation costs or lodging or food.

I am blessed, however, with an amazing fiance' who immediately jumped on the computer to start up a gofundme. He says we will do whatever it takes to get this seen about. We also looked into getting a referral to LSU medical hospital in Shreveport. Also blessed by having the former care-coordinator for my surgeon as a contact, and she reached out to the surgeon who took over my surgeon's position in St Louis. (The one who did mine in 2012, moved his practice to New York). There is something called "hardship assistance" and I can try getting that. We will still have the gofundme just in case.

So until this is solved, I guess wedding plans are on hold??? I need to get out and start prepping my body for revision surgery.

Link for the gofundme: https://www.gofundme.com/jamie-has-broken-rods-and-other-problems-occurring?fbclid=IwAR1eoT8HJHiIHSc6bX9Ej31bO0mhl5TIETaFEvpw8iXrHhme23ZlKcbbdWk

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another pothole Plotwist: more medical issues

know what I hate? people who don't mean what they say...

I have been fighting a wound on my back on my incision scar from my back surgery since May 2017; it closes 3/4 of the way, then it reopens due to a hyper granulate of scar-tissue or something. The Dr in wound care has tried everything from "packing" it, cauterizing it, going in and taking out what he thought was the problem. He is at a loss, so he asked the orthopedic if he'd see me and he said he would. Well now, when they try to schedule me an appointment, the orthopedist's office says they cant because I have Medicaid when the doctor already said he'd see me! >:( 

So now they suggested, getting my medical records and going into the E.R. at the LSU hospital in Shreveport. The E.R. because the office is backed up for appointments. 

This thing has been a giant pain in the butt, oozing all the time, wearing gauze and paper tape or bandaids, or spray/washing my shirts due to the oozing, only using towels once after bathing which increases washings; plus maybe that's why I am so much achier now. I don't know, but man this crap better be taken care of by my wedding next year. 

In other news, I am being sent to an oncologist (just the word freaks me out because usually they are associated with cancer.) My white count has been high since May 2018 right after the procedure to clean up my wound, and my GP couldn't figure out why. could it be the wound being infected or could I have cancer? I do bloodwork on the 17th. Keep me in prayers, thanks. 

All these medical issues are one reason I am sitting out this semester of college.

planning a wedding that is a year and a half away...

I am already turning into a bridezilla. I am stressing over trying to find a venue that doesn't have a capacity limit of 300 or less people for a decent price, with a kitchen to use, that allows us to self cater and self- booze. :( it is really hard.

Then trying to figure out who to eliminate off the guest list when I feel so close to everyone who ever came in my life. My love runs deep, and it feels like cuts of betrayl towards them when i cant invite them to my wedding day. :(

Then to top it off, I asked my fiance' 3 days ago if he had an idea for a first dance song.."no". so I set out on a quest; a quest to find the perfect first dance song. I spent 3 days and resulted in 2.5 pages of potential songs (Sure, a good portion of them were Disney songs; I am a kid at heart, quit judging!).

 Today, I started to play them and 10 seconds into them "no, no,no." to several of them, and then says he wants "that Bryan Adams Song 'Everything I do,'" Seriously?! I asked him 3 days ago, I spent 3 days searching! and I loved alot of these songs.

I hate feeling stressed and about to blow up, so I am walking away for now. I will retackle it later after some goodnight sleep.