Rewrite the stars- Greatest Showman song- relates to my relationship with my fiance'

Last night, I was on my pain meds and as usual the drugs made me a sappy, hormonal, emotional wreck; especially when all they do is make me tired and don't actually help my pain, and as tired as I am, I cannot get comfy enough to actually go to sleep- which causes me to become irritable, frustrated, and emotional. Warning: Below, is how I feel on those kinds of days. You've been warned.

Don't get me wrong, I do absolutely love my fiance' and most of the time I cannot absolutely at all fathom my life without him, but on my really bad pain days when I am cooped up in the house on pain meds and can't stand my own life, I relate to Zendaya's lyrics of the song.

He is so positive and confident about us, and I am like that girl (because of my age difference and looking like a kid, and my disability- the "mountains," and "doors can't walk through") and what the world thinks, and just waiting for him to realize that it is hopeless and impossible for us to truly be happy together. I am always thinking "he didn't sign on for all these issues: Me hurting all the time, me lashing out at him because I am hurting and frustrated; because I'm irritable. How can I expect him to love me when I don't even love myself?"

Maybe he'll teach me a thing or two, or maybe if I have such idle time, pay attention to the negativity. It's a lot of self-esteem issues and idle time, pain meds causing depression, being bullied from a very young age (5 years old)- it's hard to escape the "voices" of my past, but I am working hard on it because I do love him and I know he loves me.

Body like a rollercoaster poem

A body likes a rollercoaster

Lots of twists and turns,

A winding track,

Many different options to explore,

Many different twists of the curves,

Twisting one way,

 going up a giant incline,

Slowly climbing up, up, up, to the very top,

It can be quite a tiring experience; that long trek

Then the scary part, the drop!

You drop down,

going faster and faster,

gaining speed as you drop down the tracks

Another twist in the tracks,

 then a loop upside down,

You start screaming!

               With lots of ups and downs,

“Bumps, stumbles, and falls,”

“bruises and scars,”

Not just physically,

The “rider” (patient) can also be traumatically scarred too,

Turning life upside down,

Like loops on a rollercoaster,

Making the victim,

The patient, plagued with this disorder

The limiting disability known as Scoliosis,

 scream and cry,

tired and emotionally drained,

“Let me off now,

Before I die.”

whats the difference? Poem

What is the difference

of people who are handicapped and special needs

are they not all people too?

why must we be judged by our appearances, and

making us feel alone in the world.

why do we constantly put stress on each other, and

why cant we all just get along?

what is the difference?

don't we all have souls, arms, and legs?

whats the difference?

just because we look different,

doesn't mean we are a different species, mutants or freaks of nature.

What is the difference?

place in the world poem

At a fork,

 unsure which way to go,

which path to take,

 where is my place?

 The Mark that I will make,

 to leave my name on this planet Earth, 

What road do I travel? 

Where will Life's journey send me?

stuck at the fork,

 indecisions and unsure feelings,

obstacles and road blocks,

refusing my passage,

another mountain to climb,

another challenge to conquer,

How do i choose?

How do I Find my place?

My place, my mark on the world,

 the legacy I will leave behind,

 How do I find it,

in such a huge huge world, filled with endless choices,

 but physical limitations, that and fear,

preventing me,blocking me,

not trusting and believing in myself,

 blame lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence,

but I'm just a small girl,in a huge huge world.

 One day, I'll grow,

let go of the fear and obstacles holding me back,

I'll figure it out,

one day at a time, 

learning and growing each day,

 blossoming, and  blooming into a young lady,

I'll find my way one day,

and have my found my place in the world.

What is Normalcy?

What is normalcy?  Normality is the condition of being normal; the state of being usual, typical, or expected, but what is “normal”? The definition of Normal can be defined as conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.  As humans, especially around the ages of adolescence, all the way up to adulthood, we seek to be accepted; to be “normal,” but who are we to decide what is and isn’t normal?

                If someone is different than us: whether it be in beliefs, religions, color of skin, sexuality, behaviors, physical appearances, etc., we make judgments and assumptions. Due to culture or who we grow up around, sometimes if we see a male with black skin, we assume they are dangerous.  If a child acts up in the store, we assume they need butt-whooping and are lacking discipline, when really there could be underlying issues such as Autism or some other mental disability. If an Autistic child has a sudden “spasm” of energy and bounces around, we judge it as “weird,” or “funny,” and often times our teenage “normal” children mock and make fun of such behaviors.  If we know someone is homosexual or “gay,” we automatically think/judge that those people are “going to hell,” due to religions’ teachings.  We think “our way” is the right way and all or any other ways are all wrong, but God made us all different with different talents and gifts, shouldn’t our differences be celebrated instead of us being crucified and stoned to death for them?  No Matter the differences, we are all human and we all bleed the same. Who are we to Judge others, when we as humans, all have sins and “Skeletons in our closets”? We are not God, even if you don’t believe in him, we have no right to judge others when we have our own faults. Why can’t there be more love in the world and less hate, bullying, and ill-will towards others; like the Black- Eyed Peas’ song, “Where Is the Love?” We as a species need to learn to “drop the arms” and learn to hug it out instead, or we will end up fighting ourselves into extinction.  I, for one, refuse to be “Normal,” I want to be Abnormal. 

Don't Judge Disability Poem

you may look at me, 

and think you see, 

everything, 

and all that I can be. 

All my capabilities,

more like incapabilities, 

as it appears, 

because on the outside, 

all you see, 

is my spinal disability, 

that appears to limit me.

I tell you this,

If you got to know, 

the real me, 

the side I hardly show, 

except to loved ones, 

If you got to see, 

not only would you be shocked, 

but you would feel silly, 

all because you thought you knew me, 

just based on the judgement,

and seeing my disability. 

Self Esteem Poem

Staring in the mirror,

Once again,

A never ending war,

Another day to settle,

On the reflection,

Staring back at me.

                Scars on my back, stomach, and side,

Evidence of my pressure sore, and trache also,

“My battle wounds,”

Of my Medical War,

Taunting me,

As they still are so evident.

                The Squishy, poor posture,

That prevents me,

From feeling beautiful,

And having that “model look”

In crop tops and bikinis;

                Physical differences rearing their ugly faces,

Evident and tormenting me.

I punch the reflection, then yell,

Holding my hand now,

I sit back and think,

Back on my life,

And suddenly smile.

                All the wonderful people in my life,

Some I wouldn’t have met,

If I had not had,

The bad physical disability that I had.

                The lives I’ve touched,

The people I’ve inspired,

How I gave others hope,

Why can’t I do that for myself?

I suck down the “poor Pitiful me” party,

And break another smile,

I am thankful for everyone in my life,

Because even though,

I am not “normal,”

They are in my life,

                Love me, and make my life,

Which would otherwise be lonely, cloudy, and grey,

Shine with a beauty bright. 

What is Normal? Poem

What is normal?

Is there an exact definition?

What does it look like?

Is it defined as:

Someone who looks like you?

But how can that be,

When everyone is designed differently?

                Does it have a common religion?

Or language speak?

Once again, how is that a possibility?

When each person varies,

In faith and speech?

                I know!

Maybe, perhaps, it is someone who behaves as you?

Once again, this cannot be,

The way they present themselves,

And act publicly,

Could be to show off,

Or due to some disability.

                So, I ask this question repeatedly,

What is normal?

To me,

The word does not exist,

Except by segregationists

                Do you wish to segregate?

And insinuate hate?

No? Then hear my plea,

Let’s erase this word,

From every persons’ mouth,

Erase it from the world’s vocabulary.

What is normal?

Dreams can change the world Poem

Notebook opened, 

pen in hand, 

paper blank, 

thoughts unplanned. 

Mind, 

a jumbled mess, 

so much to say, 

no idea where to begin!

Mind racing, 

head starting to spin!

Thoughts and ideas, 

bouncing around, 

pinballs in my brain. 

A jumbled mess, hurting my head

I sit there,

staring at the blank slate,

Waiting and waiting, 

for the thoughts and ideas, 

to join together, 

to fit, 

like a solved puzzle. 

Looking back at the notebook, 

*gasp* there are words!

The message finally written,

but will it be heard? 

Fight the fear!

Don't hold back!

Speak your Mind!

I tell myself,

Let your message be heard,

lead the blind.

The message heard, now,

let it change the world. 

My Biggest fear Poem

What is my biggest fear? 

One simple word, 

pplease don't snear, 

or laugh, 

but, "future" is my biggest fear. 

you may laugh, 

or question "why," 

but to understand, 

you'd have to walk,

with me, down a twisting, rocky unpaved road.

This "road", my life, 

is surrounded by a moat of uncertanty. 

A life, 

with a physical deformity, 

leaving the affected, 

to often wonder,

or worry, 

what will the future,

of my life hold for me?

A job? 

who would hire,

despite my medical needs, 

and the expenses of an aid or someone to help me.

Will I marry? 

Or have Children? 

If I do, will my children, too,

have a disability? fear of my future,

my biggest enemy.  

A writer's Mind poem

It starts with just one sentence, 

just a few words,

on a piece of paper, 

to jump start that engine; 

your imagination, 

the machine of your creativity. 

One sentence, 

soon become, 

something of a masterpiece, 

and Awe. 

A story, a poem, or more, 

a script for a tv show, or 

maybe even a film! 

A pen to paper, 

words on the page, 

once you start, 

it's beautiful, 

like a baby bird, 

taking its first flight!

For the whole world to bear witness, 

to the inspiring beauty, 

of the imagination Station; 

The creative genius, 

the writer's mind. 

When you constantly ache Poem

Bomp! Bomp! Bomp! 

Alarm clock blaring its cruel tune. 

Time to wake up, 

you ache all over, 

but still have to face the day's gloom. 

Yawn and stretch, 

rub sleep from your eyes, 

have to get up, 

greet the day, and

seize your "prize". 

Another Ache this morning, 

story of your life, 

whether it be back, neck, or head, 

its all the same; 

Pop a pain killer or two or three, 

sometimes you think about Overdosing, 

and ending your misery. 

You decide against it, 

not wanting to hurt, 

those you love dearly, 

by taking your life, 

and making them all teary. 

All you want is the pain to disappear, 

meet its eternal doom, 

and never return. 

When you ache every day, 

life gets hard,

to be happy and thankful, 

sometimes it makes you even turn away from the Lord. 

Don't forget, 

you are special. 

yes, it's hard, 

but you are a fighter, 

and so very strong; 

you will be the champion, 

that God had envisioned for you, 

all along. 

"who is Jamie" Poem 2

All my life, I would like to say,

I was a “normal” child

Could run and do all the activities like the others,

In p.e.

But that would be a lie.

Sure, I went to P.E., with my fellow peers,

But that was only two days a week.

                Rest of the time, I was segregated,

To a “special” Adapted P.E.

                Don’t get me wrong, I loved the adapted P.E.,

But when you already know you are different than your friends,

You don’t want,

Another sign or “special treatment”,

That proves it.

                You long to be “normal,” but no;

Sit on the sidelines, walk the track…

While the other kids run and tackle,

Coaches and teaches,

 Fearing you bruising and the possibility of parents suing.

“Can’t do this, Can’t do that, oh be careful! Don’t hurt yourself!”

Why are these warnings only given to me?

Why not Jared, Josh, or Malorie?

                Even now, as an adult,

I still let people,

Who I trust, and think know better than I,

Make decisions for my life.

                I lie, and say it’s just for advice,

Because if they knew the truth,

They’d just say something along the lines,

“Stay true to you.”

                How can I do that?

When All my life,

I have had others,

Telling me what to do,

Never letting me,

Test the waters or learn from mistakes,

Okay, there were mistakes I could still learn,

But really, how can it be, me An Adult?

 When I have no strong standing,

Or sense of self.

but, in all honesty,

Who is Jamie? 

"Who is Jamie" Poem

All my life,

I've sat on sidelines,

sitting and watching,

letting life pass by.

"you can't do this,"

"oh, be careful!"

"don't hurt yourself!"

I always let people,

who I thought,

were only protecting me,

and knew better than I,

decide what was right,

and what was wrong.

So now,

as an adult,

I have no true standing,

not sure if things are,

good, safe, or Okay,

scared of messing up,

and looking like a fool.

Once again,

still on the sidelines,

letting everyone else, including my fears,

live and control my life.

How can it be?

Me, an adult? when so many didn't let me,

didn't give me space,

to learn and breathe,

make mistakes,

to figure out

Who is Jamie?

"Inner Struggles" Poem

Look into my eyes, 

can you see my soul? 

the dream I hold inside;

Longing to be accepted,

for everything I am,

All I Believe and hold dear,

and no longer have this burder,

the side of me that I hide, 

Longing for release and freedom, 

and my dreams to take flight. 

The girl longing to break free, 

this curse,

feelings of not good enough,

inadequacy, and self-consciousness,

scared and shy, 

to take the stage, 

and follow her heart. 

Dreams of being able, 

to sing from her heart and soul, 

and to dance with the passion that burns inside, 

To feel beautiful, 

to see her beauty, 

her talents, 

and all that she is,

except in her own eyes, 

To stand there, in the mirror, 

and finally, see her personality, 

the raw beauty inside, 

shine through.