Once upon a time, there was a young woman named Jamie. Jamie thought she
would die alone because she wasn't normal; she had many medical disabilities
and low self-esteem as a result of being bullied most of her life. She ended up
dating a guy with spina bifida who made Jamie realize that love was possible,
but she thought it would be with someone with disabilities because they were
the only ones who understood that
majority of the world was against them.
However, Jamie had been raised to be independent and the young man with spina
bifida relied and blamed everyone else for his problems, so Jamie, for the sake
of her sanity, ended it because she was constantly nagging him and trying to
change him, which wasn’t good; she didn’t like the person she was becoming.
Once again, Jamie
thought she'd die alone. One day, she decided to muster up courage and see what
would happen if she put herself out on the dating sites; and when someone would
message "hey beautiful," she would reply, "are you blind, being
sarcastic, or just crazy? I am not beautiful."
During one of these
encounters, a young man from Simmesport, Louisiana; an hour from where Jamie
lived, contacted her. They talked via message on the dating site for a while
and then he asked her if they could meet. They met face to face, at La Hacienda
and it was a good date, however, Jamie was still hesitant and shy; she would
check her rearview after the date to make sure he wasn't following her.
On their “second date,”
they went to a production at Opelousas Little Theater; Rocky Horror Picture
Show. Neither Jamie nor David had seen the movie and didn’t know what to expect
from the show…let’s just say it was Interesting, funny, and a little disturbingly
awkward (at least for Jamie, not sure what David thought.)
He took her to meet his
family and they instantly fell in love with her; especially his 7 year old
Niece, Serenity, which Jamie and David try to include in stuff ocassionally to
get her out of the house.
They continued to hang
out and soon a love started to blossom. The young man was named David. David
made Jamie laugh and smile, and some of her “quick wit come-backs” had
returned; something her mom commented that “Jamie had lost over her years.” He
was a great cook and baker, like Jamie. He was motivated, and went to church
with her (something TJ did not do) . He was most, if not all, the things Jamie
had dreamed of when she dreamt of love, but once she realized she was different
than other girls, she gave up that dream. She had always thought “if guys only
want dream girls with hot bodies, then I am their nightmare.” David changed
that point of view somewhat, although Jamie still questions why he is with her
when he could have anyone.
Now the question of this
journey will be whether David can break Jamie's shell of low confidence and
self-esteem, and make her see her "true beauty," that he sees in her?
Only time will tell or he may never break her out of it completely; a year
later and she still questions why he is with her, why he loves her, and she is
constantly worried that their future will be bleek and david will have regrets
later on. What if she can't give him children? What if she loses her SSI
because they get married? what if his paycheck isn't enough to support them
until she can get her degree and make money herself? Worry, worry, worry,
sometimes I wish I could turn my mind off! I love David but when that doubt
gets into my head, I push him away because I worry I am not good enough for
him. I need to stop and realize Love can conquer much, and doubt is death.
Maybe One day I will. When I am not worrying and letting it get in the way of
our relationship, the relationship is great fun for the most part. David loves
to cook together in the kitchen. Sometimes, he will come up behind me and hug
me or sometimes tickle me while I am doing something in the kitchen
(cooking-wise or doing dishes or laundry- our washer/dryer is in part of the
kitchen.) We play fight, I’ll play-punch him, and he will hold me and hug me,
or sometimes pick me up and hang me upside down or over his head (I am
terrified of heights) but I never “surrender.” I keep “fighting him.” Other
times, we enjoy snuggling on the couch to watch movies together, and play “popcorn
catch (which I suck at)” but it is a great excuse to start a popcorn fight
(throwing popcorn at each other, which Beignet enjoys cause she gets to eat the
popcorn when it hits the floor.) After a year we are still learning each other;
our views (that sometimes differ which cause some arguments but we end up
“agreeing to disagree” whether it be his patience level with his niece, Beignet
sleeping in the bed, politics, religion, etc.), what things he enjoys/what
things I enjoy, favorite foods, ideas for our future, etc. Our summer vacation
in Hot springs was so much fun and I am glad my parents let me bring him along
to our condo. It was a great bonding experience, especially when we went to the
superhero and star wars museum! That was fun; dressing up in the Jedi robes and
playing with the light sabers, hitting each other with them. HAHA! It is so
funny how he was able to get me into star-wars, something TJ tried and failed
to do. Guess David just had something a little more special, I don’t know.
One thing that really gets on my
nerves though is that I look so young and he looks so much older (even though
in truth it is only 6 year gap), people think he is either my dad, my older
brother, or worse, a sexual predator; “Aww what a great dad,” “what a sweet older
brother,” or “what is that old man doing with that young girl?” It is even
worse when my mom is with us, people then think him and my mom are married and
I am their daughter. I am tempted to wear a sign or make t-shirts for us that
read “I am over 21, he is not my dad nor is he my older brother and he is most
definitely not a sexual predator. Mind y’all own business and stay out of mine
(maybe add a middle finger for effect Ha ha.)
All I know is I truly am happy with David ¾, (if not more) of the time with him. I can’t see my life without him.
We got engaged in December on Christmas Eve when he proposed to me at my parents house. :) The wedding date is set for May 23, 2020 unless it has to be pushed back due to medical recovery from my surgery.
